Looking back, the entire timeline followed a pattern I didn’t recognize until it was too late. If you’re wondering whether you’re in a similar situation, here’s what a narcissistic relationship felt like to me over the span of 11 months.
Month 1: Love Bombing
It started like a dream. He was charming, attentive, affectionate. He said all the right things: that I was “the one,” that I saved him, that we were meant to be. He texted constantly, made big promises, and talked about a future as if he’d known me for years. I felt chosen, special, and safe.
From getting me my own set of toiletries and a space in his bathroom, he made it seem like he wanted me to feel welcome and at home. I really liked that—it felt thoughtful and genuine.
In those early days, if I was upset, he would apologize and take steps to fix it. Little did I know this was short-lived and would never really happen again. For the first 60 days, we were hardly ever apart. Maybe one or two nights. It felt like destiny—yin and yang, soulmates. That’s what we said to each other, and that’s what I believed.
Yes, it moved fast. But I didn’t care. It felt magical. Real. I was madly in love and believed I’d found my person. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world… or so I thought.
Idealization Stage (Love Bombing)
- Excessive Flattery & Attention: Constant praise and affection made me feel incredibly special.
- Mirroring: He seemed to reflect all of my values and interests, which deepened the illusion of a powerful connection.
- Intense Affection: The speed at which everything progressed felt exhilarating and deeply romantic.
Months 2–3: Gaining Trust & Financial Dependency
After the intensity of the initial bonding, he began leaning on me more—for emotional support, for financial help, and increasingly, for essentials. I was covering all of our living expenses—groceries, rent, and other shared costs.
I thought I was helping someone I loved get back on his feet so we could build a life together. He spoke of building an empire and a legacy for his children, and that idea lit me up inside. I believed in that future and in him.
He used words like “we,” “us,” and “our.” That sense of partnership made me feel like we were laying a foundation for something real and lasting.
Building Dependency
- Push-Pull Behavior: One moment he was loving; the next, distant or dismissive.
- Validation Then Withdrawal: He’d give praise, then take it away, leaving me anxious and unsure.
- Subtle Criticism: Disguised as concern, the critiques began to wear on my confidence and self-worth.
Months 4–5: Gaslighting & Control
Things started to feel off. Secretive phone behavior. More irritability. I’d notice inconsistencies in his stories. But whenever I asked questions, I was met with blame, frustration, or deflection:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Why do you always start drama?”
- “Just stop.”
- “Don’t start.”
I started second-guessing myself. Around my birthday, I especially noticed the emotional shift. It didn’t feel like he wanted to be there—like he would have preferred to be anywhere else. I chalked it up to stress.
The defensiveness became the norm. I began to feel like I was the problem.
Gaslighting
- Distorting Reality: He denied things that had clearly happened, making me question my perception.
- Playing the Victim: If I expressed hurt, somehow I ended up apologizing for upsetting him.
Months 6–7: Emotional Distance & Withholding
By this point, the charm was gone. He became emotionally unavailable. Affection and intimacy were used more like bargaining chips than acts of love.
There was an incident of online infidelity that came to light, and it was a defining moment. Strangely, there was almost a sense of relief because it validated what I’d been sensing. But it also broke me—I had trusted him completely when he said I was the only one, that he’d never do that. And I had believed him.
If I tried to talk through issues or express emotional needs, I was met with coldness or silence. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to “set him off.”
Enforcing Control
- Demanding Compliance: He expected me to meet all his needs while mine went ignored.
- Devaluation: When I pushed back or asked for support, I was criticized or made to feel ungrateful.
Months 8–9: Mental and Financial Drain
I was drained—emotionally, financially, and mentally—but I still clung to hope that the version of him I met in the beginning would return.
During this time, we went on two vacations where we did have a good time, but there were many obstacles because of his very addictive personality. When it was good, it was really good. We enjoyed each other’s company. But he was also emotionally withdrawn.
It was the familiar push-pull: connection followed by disconnection. But no matter the frustration, he always reinforced the bond with phrases like “I love you,” “You’re my one,” and “It’s always going to be us.” That emotional reinforcement kept me anchored.
Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation
- Inconsistent Affection: The back-and-forth created anxiety and a craving for his approval.
- Emotional Confusion: I was never sure where I stood, which kept me focused on “earning” his love.
Months 10–11: The Discard
As soon as I began asserting boundaries and standing up for myself, things changed fast. What I didn’t know at the time was that someone else was already in the picture or should I say always had been in the background.
I found out later there was a new supply coming into town the following week. He had been messaging her the night before and the morning he left.
Within two weeks of leaving, he had met yet another new supply. From what I can tell, she was described similarly to how I had been, and he appeared to be using the same tactics I had experienced.
It felt like he moved on without looking back.
Discard or Further Manipulation
- Cold Exit: Once I was no longer easy to manipulate, he disappeared—abruptly and without closure.
- Replace & Repeat: From what I can tell, he had moved on to repeating the same dynamics with others.
The Aftermath
I was left in shock—confused, heartbroken, and riddled with self-doubt. The most painful part wasn’t just losing him. It was realizing he never really existed.
The love, the plans, the promises… felt like part of a story, a role I was cast in. It felt like I was just the lead actress in this chapter of his personal fantasy. Once my role was done, the scene ended, and a new one began.
Throughout this process, what I now understand is that a narcissist’s priority is to maintain control and secure validation—often at the expense of the other person’s well-being. The entire grooming process is strategic: to create dependency, erode self-trust, and establish control.
But Here’s the Truth:
If this sounds familiar, please hear me:
- You weren’t crazy.
- You weren’t too much.
- You were targeted because of your empathy, your strength, and your light.
- And you are not alone.
I may not be the same woman I was before. But I am reclaiming every part of her. And I am healing.
Disclaimer:
This blog reflects my personal experience, perceptions, and opinions. It is not intended to accuse, defame, or harm any individual.
I share this to process my experience and support others who may be in similar situations.