By Love BB Living
Trigger warning: Emotional abuse, coercive control, psychological manipulation
What Makes a Monster?
Lately, I’ve been circling back to a few big questions:
What makes a monster?
How can someone be with one—and not even know it?
And what’s the true definition of a monster anyway?
Wouldn’t it be fair to say that a human without humanity is one?
Okay, that’s more than a couple questions. I know—I ask “why” a lot.
It’s how I heal. It’s how I make sense of the senseless.
Because this isn’t a ghost story. It’s not about shadows under the bed.
It’s about the ones who climb into it, whisper “I love you,”
and then slowly drain you of joy, safety, and self-worth.
That’s the kind of monster this blog is about.
The Philosophy of a Monster
Traditionally, a “monster” is something that violates natural or moral order. That can mean physically (like in mythology), or ethically—something that looks human but acts inhuman.
Philosopher Mary Midgley described monsters as embodying “moral transgression.”
They don’t just break rules; they shatter our shared sense of right and wrong.
They remind us that a human face doesn’t always mean a human heart.
Think:
- Iago (Othello) – Manipulates love for sport, gaslights, destroys from the inside out.
- Don Juan / Casanova – Charming serial seducers who love-bomb, use, and discard.
- Simon Leviev – The Tinder Swindler – Posed as a billionaire heir, manipulated women into handing over hundreds of thousands under false pretenses.
- John Meehan – “Dirty John” – A career con artist who weaponized love and trust to isolate, exploit, and control multiple partners.
- Or maybe… your ex. The one who smiled while breaking you, drained your soul dry, and walked away like nothing happened.
When Love Wasn’t Love
There’s a specific kind of pain that doesn’t come from being left—
it comes from realizing you were never truly seen to begin with.
That everything you built—your trust, your hope, your future plans—was shared with someone who wore a human face, but lacked the very thing that makes us human: empathy.
So what do you call someone who:
- Lies without flinching
- Mimics love while withholding compassion
- Hurts, manipulates, abandons—and walks away clean
That is a monster.
Poetic Names for the Inhuman
- A shell of a person – existing without a moral core
- A wolf in human skin – predatory beneath charm
- A soulless body – no conscience, no remorse
- A hollow man/woman – spiritually and ethically empty
- Human by anatomy, monster by choice – cruelty without apology
The Anatomy of a Monster
Let’s get one thing straight:
Monsters aren’t mythical. They’re methodical.
They don’t just lack empathy—
They weaponize yours.
They don’t just fail to love—
They use your love as a leash.
And when they’re done?
They rewrite the story and expect you to smile through it.
So ask yourself:
- Who pretends to love just to control?
- Who plays parent or partner until it’s inconvenient?
- Who leaves behind trauma, debt, confusion, and silence?
The answer?
A manipulator dressed as a soulmate.
A hollow thing with a human smile.
Not love. Not even close.
And most importantly?
That was never your person.
The day they left—or the day you did—was the day your life began again.
And all monsters fall eventually. Be glad they’re not taking you with them.
Slaying the Monster: Reclaiming Your Light
Surviving someone like that isn’t about “getting over it.”
It’s about unlearning the lies they told you—
and the ones they trained you to repeat to yourself.
No, they weren’t just emotionally unavailable.
They were emotionally dangerous.
No, they didn’t “fall out of love.”
They were never capable of real love to begin with.
It wasn’t a relationship—it was fiction.
But your love? That was real.
Your grief? That’s real.
Your pain? Valid. Felt. Survived.
And that love you gave?
It’s coming back to you. Tenfold.
So cry. Rage. Scream into your pillow.
Take that boxing class.
Feel every damn thing.
Because healing doesn’t happen by bypassing the pain.
It happens by going straight through it.
And when you get through it?
You don’t just rebuild.
You rise—bigger, louder, softer, stronger.
Set your boundaries.
Protect your peace.
You decide who has access to you.
And this time?
You know how to spot the monsters.
Still Trying to Make Sense of the Madness?
You’re not overreacting. You’re not imagining it.
And you’re definitely not alone in wondering, “What the hell just happened to me?”
Sometimes the truth doesn’t land until someone else says the thing you’ve been trying to name.
These books? They say the thing.
Welcome to your BB-approved healing shelf:
A little wisdom. A lot of truth. Zero gaslighting.
I have two these so far and the others caught my eye. I love Dr. Ramani’s book and her instagram. And I have “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget”.
For Narcissistic Abuse + Coercive Control:
- It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The no-nonsense, no-gaslighting guide you needed before the storm. Honest, validating, and filled with clarity. - Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie
A powerful breakdown of toxic dynamics written by a survivor. Like talking to a best friend who finally gets it. - Coercive Control by Dr. Evan Stark
For those wanting to understand the invisible violence of emotional domination. Academic, yes—but affirming.
For Emotional Recovery + Big Feelings:
- Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst
A healing journey through grief, betrayal, and choosing peace—even when there’s no apology in sight. - The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
If your nervous system still feels like a war zone after abuse—this is your trauma science bible.
The Soul Always Wins
If you’ve ever loved someone who lacked all humanity,
you know what it’s like to be drained while being told you were “too much.”
You gave love, grace, patience, second chances—
to someone who only knew how to take.
What makes a monster?
Now you know.
It’s not claws.
It’s not fangs.
It’s the complete absence of soul.
But you?
You still have yours.
And it’s louder, wiser, and fiercer than ever.
You didn’t just survive.
You remembered who you are.
And no monster can unwrite that.
Need more fire to rebuild your life?
Read: When Forgiveness Isn’t Enough: Justice, Safety, and the Fight for Accountability
Follow the BB journey: @LoveBBLiving
Clarity is classy. Boundaries are hot. Peace is your power.
Disclaimer: This blog is based on personal experience and opinion. It is not intended as medical, legal, or psychological advice. If you are in crisis, please seek support from a licensed professional or domestic violence advocacy group.