As I’ve progressed through this healing journey, I’ve been introduced to a range of terms—trauma bond, trauma, stressors, and triggers. Initially, it was overwhelming to differentiate between them, let alone identify which ones applied to me. What did all of this mean? How could I prevent these patterns from continuing?
Before my toxic relationship even ended, I had already been speaking with my therapist. Through those conversations, I came to recognize that what I was experiencing was emotional and psychological abuse—particularly gaslighting—which is a common tactic used by narcissists to distort reality and make you question your perception.
What is a Trauma Bond?
According to mental health professionals, a trauma bond forms through repeated cycles of abuse, where intense emotional experiences create an unhealthy attachment to the abuser. These bonds often make it incredibly difficult to leave or emotionally detach from the person causing harm.
If you had asked my therapist a month ago whether she believed I had a trauma bond with my narcissistic ex, she would have said absolutely. But in our most recent session, when I asked, “How am I doing?”—it was validating to hear that I’m taking the right steps. She reassured me that she no longer has concerns about the trauma bond having a hold on me in the same way.
That doesn’t mean it’s gone. I still have moments of emotional entanglement. But the good news? Trauma bonds can be broken. Through consistent boundaries, self-awareness, and support, I’ve begun to sever those unhealthy ties—and I can feel the difference.
Triggers vs. Stressors: What’s the Difference?
One thing I also had to figure out was whether I had triggers. In psychological terms, triggers are specific cues—often linked to past traumatic events—that lead to strong emotional or physical responses. They’re more commonly associated with PTSD and often develop in people who’ve experienced physical violence, severe emotional trauma, or life-threatening situations.
In my case, I realized with my therapist’s help that I don’t have classic trauma triggers. Instead, I have stressors—situations or objects that don’t necessarily cause flashbacks but do create anxiety, discomfort, or a sense of danger. Stressors can lead to feeling tense, emotionally overwhelmed, or like you’re slipping back into “survival mode.”
For me, these stressors can be small, seemingly insignificant things—like an object around the house, a particular route I used to take, or certain places I now avoid out of fear of confrontation. These moments don’t cause me to relive my trauma, but they do affect my nervous system, mood, and sense of safety.
Where I Am Now
Right now, I’m working through these stressors, learning to face them with compassion instead of fear. Healing doesn’t happen all at once—it’s made up of a hundred little victories. Whether it’s confronting a place I once avoided, noticing an emotional reaction and choosing a healthier response, or checking in with my therapist and hearing that I’m on the right track, every step matters.
This journey has taught me that naming and understanding your experiences—trauma bonds, stressors, or anything else—is power. And I’m using that power to reclaim my peace.
Update: Where I Am Today
Right now—honestly—I’m doing great.
I feel strong, grounded, and supported. I have an amazing core group of girlfriends and family who continue to show up for me in the most beautiful ways. I’ve reclaimed parts of my life that I didn’t even realize I had given up over the past year—like my writing. Creating this blog and receiving your feedback has been incredibly healing. It hasn’t been entirely selfless—it’s helped me process, reflect, and stay connected to myself.
I’m taking care of myself again.
I barely drink anymore, which feels really good. I’m in bed by 10, journaling regularly, walking my dogs, and just treating myself with kindness and intention. I’ve started meeting with my trainer again, working out, eating well, and I even got a manicure this week—plus I’ve committed to getting back to my monthly facials.
But more than all that—I’m happy.
I’ve learned how to set boundaries and, more importantly, how to enforce them. I’ve learned that “no” is a complete sentence, and that I don’t owe anyone an explanation for what I do, feel, or choose. That in itself has been one of the most liberating lessons.
And—guess what? I even went out on a date. It went well, and I’m looking forward to the next one. So… fingers crossed. Wish me luck!
Supporting Sources:
- Cleveland Clinic: Trauma Bonding
- Psychology Today: Gaslighting
- National Library of Medicine: Triggers and PTSD
- American Psychological Association: Coping with Stress
Disclaimer:
This blog reflects my personal experiences, perspectives, and opinions. It is not intended to diagnose, accuse, or defame any individual. My goal is to process my healing and support others who may be navigating similar situations.